Script
Three guys are slouched over the table looking at something. The camera pans over their head to reveal a deck of cards that is alive.
Biz
What? WHAT? WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AS WELL?
Gúnther
Well, it did say on the box. “Real human beings. Please take care.”
So I suppose, yes.
Andrew
Don’t they have like a “Robot edition” or something?
Gúnther
They did, but they got sold out fast. These are rare, guys! You know I only get the best stuff. And plus, the robot edition doesn’t bend like these. They’re too mechanical.
Andrew
You do realise we’re talking about 52 real human beings? They’re not cards, Gúnther.
Gúnther
But, they’re the size and shape of regular playing cards. And look, if they stand hugged. GUYS, HUG! (elves quickly hug each other)
Gúnther
See? Now you have a 3 packet deck. And if you teach them things- my friend, listen to me. Do you realise the potential behind having real life human being cards? This is monumental! It will shake the art world!
Biz
Gúnther, I think you should get off your high horse and return the little elves back to Santa Clause...
Little Elf
‘Hey! I’m not an elf. I’m Romanian.’
Biz
...and go to sleep. It looks like you haven’t seen Mr. Pillow for a while now, Gúnther.
Gúnther
Man, just shut up and keep playing with them. You’re good with them people and you know it.
(someone starts playing with the small people. they appear to be rather pleased)
Gúnther
See what I mean! Look how happy they are. AND listen to those sounds they’re making! Feels like you’re in an Asian Kung-Fu movie.
Andrew
Doesn’t it hurt them?
Gúnther
They look and think like humans, and all the other mumbo jumbo, but they have the metaphisical properties of playing cards. Just be carefull when you bend them, cause they might crease and then you’ll bruise them all over.
Biz
What do you mean? Can I tear one, then?
Gúnther
I suppose so. I’m really curious if they die, though. Hmmm, you wanna give it a try?
Andrew
How many we have left?
Gúnther
I got three.
(everybody pauses for a second. the little people wait)
Andrew/Biz/ Gúnther
Yeahhhhhhh.